Attachment Theory: Unraveling the ‘knot’ of childhood love: Why did you grow up to be this way?
John Bowlby, the creator of Attachment Theory, once explained that “childhood attachment is like a relationship manual that we will use throughout our lives.” This makes us understand why some people fear abandonment, some love independence, and some are confused about their own feelings. Think about it simply. When we were children. If we cried and were fussy and someone hugged. Comforted, and played with us regularly. We would feel that the เล่นบาคาร่า UFABET เว็บตรง ค่าคอมสูง world was okay and that there was support. We would grow up to be people who were ‘secure’ or stable in relationships, dared to be close. And were not afraid of being abandoned.
But if when we were kids, crying was useless, or we tried to roll around on the floor and our parents didn’t care, and sometimes we got scolded, we would start to be confused about the love from the people who raised us. When we grew up, we might be an ‘Anxious-Ambivalent’ person, meaning we want to have a boyfriend, but we’re afraid that he won’t really love us, we’re afraid that we’ll be abandoned, and we have to check and ask all the time if we still love each other.
Some people who were not taken care of as children and had to rely on themselves all the time may become ‘Avoidant’ people, meaning they are used to being alone, do not want to be attached to anyone, and are afraid of being close because they feel that they have to take care of themselves anyway. They will clearly draw the lines of their personal space.
Even worse, if as a child, you encounter unpredictable bad things, get hurt, or something that makes you feel very confused, you may become ‘Disorganized’, meaning you don’t know what to do with relationships. Sometimes you want to be close, sometimes you push away, you are completely confused.
So what? Can it change?
The good news is that childhood love ‘knots’ are not something that we have to carry with us for the rest of our lives. Understanding ourselves and why we feel this way about relationships is the first step to making changes. Try to observe yourself. Which way do we tend to go? What are we afraid of in relationships? When we know ourselves, we can start to adjust ourselves. Learn to create better relationships. Gradually build trust. Learn to communicate your feelings directly.
Sometimes talking to a close friend or consulting a professional can help a lot. Don’t think that this is something to be ashamed of. Understanding yourself and developing yourself to be happier with your relationships is the coolest thing. In short, Attachment Theory is like tracing our feelings towards love and relationships from childhood to adulthood. Understanding the ‘blueprint’ in our minds will help us understand ourselves and others more. Most importantly, it makes us know that we can design the relationships we want for ourselves.
John Bowlby, the creator of Attachment Theory, explains that “childhood attachment is like a relationship manual that we will use throughout our lives,” or simply put, it is the ‘how to love’ that we learn from childhood.
It makes us understand why when in love some people fear abandonment, why some people love independence, and why some people are confused about their feelings.
When we were children, if we cried and were hugged and comforted until we got used to it, we would feel that the world was okay, that there were people supporting us. When we grew up, we tended to be ‘secure’ people, feeling secure in relationships.
People who grow up without getting their attention answered often grow up to be Anxious-Ambivalent people, meaning they want to be in love but are suspicious, afraid that the other person doesn’t really love them, and afraid of being abandoned.
If you were not taken care of as a child and had to rely on yourself all the time, you may become an ‘Avoidant’ person, who is used to being alone, does not want to be attached to anyone, is afraid of being close, and will clearly draw the lines of personal space.
What’s worse, if when you were a child you experienced something bad or were hurt, which caused you to have a lot of emotional issues. You might become ‘Disorganized’. Meaning you don’t know what to do with love. If you want to love, you’re afraid. If you want to break up, you’re afraid that you’ll feel lonely.
But the ‘knot’ of childhood love is not something that we have to carry with us throughout our lives. If we understand ourselves and understand why we feel this way. It is the first step that will allow us to change our own way of loving.
Practicing to understand your inner ‘blueprint’ will help you understand yourself and others better. And help you realize that you can design your own relationships and have the right to be happy in love.