He only allows me to be a ‘talker’. Should that be enough or should I wait a little longer?
Are you tired of a relationship that has no name? Being just a ‘talking partner’ when your heart is already more than that? You want to ask for clarity, but you’re afraid of losing him. Sometimes it’s more tiring than breaking up because you don’t have the right to say that you’re hurt. You don’t have a status to demand anything. If you’re confused about whether to stay or stop, LIFE would like to invite everyone in this situation to calm their hearts together to find a way out of the เล่น UFABET ผ่านมือถือ สะดวกทุกที่ ทุกเวลา talking partner issue, whether to continue or stop, along with ways to cope while taking care of your own heart.
The word ‘someone to talk to’ doesn’t sound binding, but why does it feel so binding in my heart? Have you ever wondered why we can stay in an unclear relationship for so long? Some days we can barely sleep because we’ve checked the chat hundreds of times. Psychologists call this Intermittent Reinforcement, which is giving an uncertain reward, making us feel like we’re trapped in love, like playing a game of pressing buttons waiting for a reward that we don’t know when it will come. Some days he’ll send us a message, invite us to hang out, make us feel so good that we can float, but the next day he’ll be quiet. That’s the mechanism that makes us tired but still wait.
The heart is not anyone’s testing ground!
If we look closely, we will see that we give both care and clarity, but in return we only get “we’ll talk about it later.” This is not fair. The more we give, the more we feel guilty when we ask for clarity once. But in reality, wanting to know where we are going is a basic right in a relationship.
Is being a chatterer energizing or draining?
Really ask yourself, is this relationship energizing or draining? Whenever you see him or talk to him, do you still laugh naturally? Or do you have to be careful with your words, afraid that he will disappear? Are you being yourself in this relationship? Or are you acting like someone you are not in order to make him like you?
Elizabeth Gilbert writes in Eat Pray Love that some people come into our lives to make us realize that we deserve better. Sometimes the people who hurt us the most are the ones who teach us the most important lessons. Stopping may not be because they’re not good enough, but because we’ve just learned that we can love ourselves more. So there’s nothing wrong with deciding, “Enough.” I’m not going to move on. Because not pursuing an ambiguous relationship is not a failure. It’s a choice to love yourself more. Our lives are too precious to let someone use us as a backup option. When the day comes that you can choose yourself, you’ll understand that letting go of an unclear love is opening the door for the love you deserve to come into your life.
The status of ‘someone to talk to’ may be more painful than the word ‘break up’ because when breaking up, there is still the right to be sad, but we are just someone to talk to. We have no right to ask for anything even though we have given him our whole heart.
Psychologists call this Intermittent Reinforcement. It’s like playing a slot machine. Sometimes you get rewarded (he texts you), sometimes you don’t (he goes quiet), but you keep pressing on, hoping you’ll get it again next time.
If you check your phone frequently to the point of being anxious, afraid of doing something wrong, and feel stressed when he doesn’t reply to your Line messages, and are willing to change your habits to make him like you more, if you encounter 3 or more of these things, your life is revolving around him too much.
When we are afraid of the answer, afraid that if we speak out, everything will disappear. But think about it from another perspective, not speaking out makes us drown in uncertainty every day. Think carefully, which way is more painful?
Remember that our hearts are not anyone’s laboratories. If he is not ready to give clarity, that’s okay, but he should not make us feel that one day we might if we try hard enough. Leaving the other person in doubt is also a form of selfishness.
You should set mental boundaries on how long you will wait, not to pressure him, but to keep yourself from floating around in this relationship forever. If that day comes and nothing changes, stop and turn back to loving yourself.
Make a list of what you gain and what you lose in this relationship. Temporary happiness? What does it cost? Loss of confidence? Time wasted? Is it worth it?
“Some people come to teach us that we deserve better,” Elizabeth Gilbert wrote in Eat Pray Love . Perhaps we should thank him for teaching us to love ourselves more.
If after a long time you are still in the same place, don’t tell yourself to wait a little longer, he will be ready soon. Because this is not a transition period, but a relationship pattern that is telling us that it will continue to be like this. If he gave us the right one, we would have been the right one a long time ago.
You don’t have to wait for him to reassure you that you’re good enough. You have to reassure yourself that you’re worthy of someone who values and reassures you. Good love isn’t that hard, and you deserve it.
Remember that our lives are too ‘valuable’ to let someone use them as someone else’s ‘backup option’.